a graceful predator

When you start viewing politics through a predator/prey lens, rather than a liberal/conservative or left/right one, you start to see things a bit more clearly. You start to feel the animalistic nature of everything. It isn't about the arguments, or the truth. It's about... something else.

It's about who controls the frame.

It's about who's hunting, and who doesn't realize they're being hunted.

Who is laying the traps, and who is getting trapped.

A reader sent me a story this week that shows it better than I could explain it.

Her name is Blanche. She lives in Arizona. Last year she flew to Connecticut to stay with her sister, who had just lost her husband.

Her sister prides herself on being very liberal. She's also a devout Catholic.

At dinner one night, Blanche mentioned she has a concealed carry license. Her sister was appalled.

"My Franciscan values tell me I would rather be murdered than kill someone else."

Blanche shrugged her shoulders and let it go. A perfect response, in my opinion.

Blanche continued:

"The following evening we were getting ready to turn in, and a conversation came up (I don't remember what exactly we were talking about), and I made the statement that the biggest lie perpetrated on modern society was that a fetus is the moral equivalent of a hangnail.

She went off like rockets. Yelling about a woman's right to choose, how Trump ruined everything, etc, etc. It was so sudden, I was startled.

I put my hands up and told her - NO, we are not doing this. I love you too much. You are too important to me - more important than fighting over this. I had to stop her several times, as she kept trying to talk.

When she finally stopped, she said 'I would really like to be able to talk to you about these things'. I said 'No you don't. You think that my opinion has no value because I don't agree with you.' She paused for a long while, and said 'It's true. You're right'."

Do you see what she did? That's frame control... firm, but graceful.

Most people have two options when that happens. Fight back, or shut up and take it. Both of those are reactionary prey behavior. You aren't setting the frame, you are under theirs.

Blanche did neither. She stopped the fight, in its tracks... and she claimed the authority to do so by describing it accurately.

"You think that my opinion has no value because I don't agree with you."

And her sister had nowhere to go. She had to deny it or admit it. She admitted it... which is to be commended as well... but it would not have been possible without Blanche's frame control.

If her sister controlled the frame instead, this would have ended very differently. It could have destroyed the relationship... I've seen it happen. Many of you have written to me about exactly this scenario.

Blanche didn't need to win the argument, because she was in control of whether or not there even needed to be one. She gets to keep her sister, and she never gave up an inch of what she believes.

So tonight, let's all tip our hat to Blanche... a graceful predator, showing us all how it's done.

stay close,

~ Clay

p.s. Blanche ended her email with this: "Although I may not comment a lot, I am learning a great deal." That's most of you. Quiet, reading, learning. I may not hear from you often, but I know you're out there. I'm rooting for you.

p.p.s. Only 11 Charter slots left as I write this. $13 / month, locked for life. When they're gone, it's $18 and it stays there.

190+ patrons already fund this work, which keeps my lights on and keeps me working. No sponsors, no ads... just me and you keeping this thing alive together.

Take one of the last eleven here: stopbeingprey.com/patronage