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that feeling of utter dread

the conversation that started this whole thing

·9 min read

The year was 2015, and there I was in my house, feeling utter dread as I saw another text alert come in from my cousin on my phone. It was the length of an essay. I stared at it for a while, I didn't even want to open it. We were in a political argument that had been going on for days at this point, and it was only elevating in its intensity.

Let me tell you a little about my cousin. I'll call him Matt. Growing up, Matt was like a brother to me. One of my best friends. Regular sleepovers, hangouts and brutal mini-stick hockey tournaments. Every family event was a treat because I knew he'd be there, and we'd have the best time getting into trouble together.

As we grew older, into our late teens and early adulthood, we always remained close but not quite as close as those childhood years. In all honesty, Matt was just a more ambitious guy than I was. He's an impressive person, ridiculously competent at anything he puts his mind to. Even when it comes to guitar, both of us played since our teens… but he is leagues ahead of me in terms of skill.